Tuesday, January 7, 2020

Do you want to want to, or do you actually want to do this?

Photo credit Stephanie Fisher


I believed I would have time to write blog posts and post pictures and maybe a few video clips during Winter Camp. I really did.  I had two computers (work and home) four paper books, three magazines, and both the Kindle and the iPad, so I was certain to never have a moment where I didn’t have anything to do.  I also had several friends I wanted to visit in Ocala and a few stops I needed to make.  I had four full days — how much could I get done?!!

Nothing.  Nothing but horse time and learning time.  I did make one quick run to the Tack Shack to pick up Spider’s blanket that was repaired and drop Taz’s off (best service ever, btw.  I can’t even find the repairs they made to Spider’s blanket!). But, I wrote nothing, posted little on FB ( I think I made one IG post), and was exhausted every night. 

But, I walked 96,830 steps, or 41.79 miles, and learned a ton! (To be fair, some of those steps were walked by Razzy and not me, but since I didn’t ride as much as everyone else, not that many).  I learned so much, worked really hard, and collapsed each night without reading anything!   

Here’s a more thorough break down of what we did and how it went: 

Thursday was pack up and travel day.  For some reason, the packing, traveling, and setting up is one of my biggest stressors.  I am convinced I will forget something, and pack like I’m going to the far reaches of civilization, and not the horsiest place in the State of Florida.  Turns out the only thing I didn’t bring was some type of way to carry my muck bucket to the manure pile.

The horses settled in well for one that hadn’t been anywhere in a while, and one that I’ve never traveled with before.  After a minor kerfuffle from which we were rescued by Patti’s angelic husband, she and I were settled in and ready to learn all the things! 

Photo credit Patti Austin
Friday morning, I was the very first ride at 8 am.  Those of you who know me can just keep snickering, because we were the first campers on site and had me tacked up and ready to ride on time!  Razzy was pretty excited, so after a few rounds of the dressage arena, Tik had me get down and spent the rest of the lesson helping me learn about working her on the ground. Patti had a good ride with Sinead, and Kára warmed up well — Patti was all about the preparation and made sure that her horse was ready to listen and learn when her lesson started.  
Photo credit Lisa Madren
For us, Friday afternoon was gymnastics exercises with Tik.  My plan had been to audit mostly from horseback, but Tik and Sinead were both so good about finding ways I could participate without slowing the group down too much. I ended up being able to do the exercises from the trot and even cantered about 6 strides (on purpose!).  

Friday evening had a bit talk from the Neue Schule distributor.  I had to miss it, because Spider was being checked by the vet.  Everyone said it was really interesting, and I would love to do a bit fitting clinic as Razzy has had such trouble settling on a bit that works for her. We’ve had a NS bit for about five years, and she’s settled into it now, and it works better than anything else for us.  Having the insight on what might work and why would be great to have in the future, especially as I chose what to use for Spider. 

By Friday night, the long walk to the manure pile had almost done me in I borrowed Patti’s collapsible wheelbarrow and discovered that it could collapse me right face first into the manure pile I was done with that, and decided it was time to go to Tractor Supply and get a muck bucket cart.   

Muck bucket cart acquisition complete, it was time for dinner.  We asked Yelp for advice, the first option it tossed out was the Salted Brick, and it wasn’t too far away.  With such a cool name, how could we resist? 

We were directed into a gated community, and I started to get worried.  We were in breeches, and it had been raining, so we were wet and muddy.  When we pulled up at the golf clubhouse, I was really concerned.  Patti reminded me that a) we were in Ocala which was the land of horse people, and b) it was all part of the adventure!  


Photo stolen from Google


She was right.  The restaurant was great, and the cowboy hat we saw as we walked in made us feel better right away. We were Bougie in Breeches. ;) 

Saturday’s schedule was for the groups to switch after breakfast (oh, yeah — breakfast was cooked for us in the pavilion every morning — pancakes, French toast, eggs — by the wonderful RJ Hutton, the husband of one of our campers, and Ronnie Dimauro, the owner of the gorgeous facility where camp was heldand for the group that did caveletti with Tik on  Friday to do Stadium lessons with Sinead and vice versa. 

At lunch, we had a discussion with James Burtwellwho works with Tik, Sinead, and other high performance riders. Then Sinead did a demo ride on Cutty Sark, and James talked us through some of his coaching to her on Cutty.  It was fascinating on many levels, not the least of which was to hear Sinead discussing some of the issues she has with an upper level horse that aren’t that different than what some of us deal with at the lower levels. 
James Burtwell


Sinead and Cutty Sark

Right after the demo ride, we had a talk from sports psychologist, Dr. Jenny Susser, and learned a lot about how the brain works, and how it responds to stress.  She provided us with some methods to deal with anxiety connected to our riding, which I put right to use on Sunday. I’ve never talked so much about my socks! ;) 

Saturday afternoon, everyone had a private warm up with either Tik or Sinead, and then rode a test judged by James.  The thoughtful comments on the dressage tests were appreciated by the riders — it was really cool to see everyone get to ride with someone so accomplished and leave with a written evaluation on how to improve. 

I didn’t ride in either session on Saturday.  I wasn’t ready to do Stadium jumping and certainly not to take up time riding a dressage test when I wasn’t ready to do the canter work.  I got really pretty down on myself and was so exhausted Saturday during the day that it just seemed better to sit it out.  The best part was that no one made me feel like I was anything other than a full participant, even though I wasn’t ready to do all of the work.  As I thought, a lot, after Dr. Susser’s presentation, I realized that I needed everything about the weekend to be successful — and just the fact that I had hauled out of town with two horses (one a super green OTTB!) by myself for the first time in years, and had gotten through the first day of rides was a Big Deal, and I needed to celebrate that.  And that it was important for me to be able to complete the weekend safely and get myself home safely on Monday.  And if that meant I didn’t push the envelope in the saddle, that was a wise choice. 

But, I still felt a little wimpy. And by Saturday evening I was wondering if I should have come or was I wasting the time of all these professionals. After we finished riding on Saturday, we gathered in the pavilion for drinks, appetizers, and a panel discussion.  Dr. Susser, Hannah Sue Burnett, and James Burtwell joined Tik and Sinead for a panel discussion of all things related to riding and competing. Some of the questions were posed by a panel member posing as moderator, and some were from the audience.  Hearing different takes on questions that were as diverse as “what was your most memorable horse” to “if you were to ride any type of horse that you’ve never ridden, what would it be?” was fascinating. 

One question that Dr. Susser raised on Saturday was that it was really important to decide whether you wanted to want what you were working on, or whether you really wanted it.  That hit me right in my gut.  I had not confronted that question head on before — and maybe that was my problem.  Maybe I wanted to want to event, but didn’t want to do it badly enough to put the work in.  Yikes.  Off we went for dinner, and to collapse, and I got deep into the naval gazing on that question and wasn’t sure what I would decide. 

Sunday morning was cross country schooling for everyone, and then a stadium course in the afternoon.  I really wanted to go with the group out on cross country, even if I just did the water, and hacked around while everyone else schooled.  I woke up in a better frame of mind and zipped around to get ready to ride with the first group out with Tik.  I had my headphones in as I cleaned stalls and found myself singing along and dancing (only where no one could see me!) as I rounded up her gear and my xc vest which I hadn’t worn in 6 years (though I had checked to make sure it still fit).  As I stepped into my trailer to get everything I needed, I knew.  I wanted to do this.  I really, really, really wanted to do this.  That feeling lasted as we hacked out to the water jump to meet Tik, and the grin on my face in the pictures as we schooled the water confirmed it.  Coming to camp was the perfect way to find the answer I didn’t even know I needed. I didn’t want to want to do it, I wanted to do it.   
Photo Credit Lisa Madren


I went out to watch some of Patti’s session after I had put my horse up, and seeing everyone’s confidence grow and all the grins was pretty cool!   

Our lunchtime discussion was with Farrier Chris Martelli, who explained that “Form Follows Function,” and answered a lot of our questions. 

I did not ride my stadium ride that afternoon, as again, I wasn’t ready for that yet, but listening to all the riders who were delighted with their successful rounds was very encouraging.  I ran to town to pick up the blanket that the tack shack had ready, and came back in time for the cookout. 

Fabulous chefs RJ and Ronnie again fed us delicious hamburgers, hot dogs, beans and all sorts of accoutrements.  After dinner, Tik and Sinead stood up to do the camp awards.  Now, I wasn’t sure what sort of awards there would be — I mean, there had been dressage tests, and stadium rounds.  Were they going to give awards for the best scores?   

Turns out the awards were incredibly thoughtful presentations for every rider that came to camp.  Tik and Sinead explained that they liked doing the camp format versus a clinic format (though clinics do serve an important purpose as well) because of the immersive aspect, and the chance that riders have to interact with instructors and with each other.  Instead of just a learning experience for a rider and a horse, it becomes a magical experience, where riders deepen their relationships with their horses, and bond with a new group of friends, and have the opportunity to interact with the instructors. 

I wish I had a list and an explanation of each award that was given, but I failed to either take notes, or to video the presentation.  And the more I thought about it, I realized that each rider’s award is their own story to tell.  Here’s mine.   

I was given what they called the “Elizabeth Gilbert” award.  The author Elizabeth Gilbert has a 2009 Ted Talk where she discusses how creative genius works.  And the fear that after some success, you will never again achieve anything close to your success again.  And her conclusion is that genius and ideas are not inborn in people, but come to those who show up, and do the work every day.  She says “Don’t be afraid.  Don’t be daunted.  Just do your job.  Continue to show up for your piece of it, whatever that might be.. . Olé to you, nonetheless, just for having the pure human love and stubbornness to keep showing up.”  Elizabeth Gilbert’s Ted Talk

Tik explained the award by saying that there were a lot of people out there who hadn’t come to camp this week.  He said that even though I was afraid, and not as prepared as I would have wanted to be, I showed up.  I did the work I was able to do, and that was our biggest responsibility.  To show up and do the work.   

Folks, I cried.  I had spent so much energy worrying that I was making a fool of myself, slowing down the rest of the group, and taking up the valuable time of professionals, and here these fantastic people were taking the time to tell me — “I see you.  I see how much this means to you, and we are glad you are showing up.”  I was truly speechless.  And that’s saying something! ;)  

Patti gave me permission to talk about her award too.  One of the things that had been discussed earlier in our talk about sports psychology and achieving success was “preparation, preparation, preparation.” And how no matter how much talent you had, or how fancy your horse is, you are nothing and nowhere without proper preparation.  And the award that Patti was given was the Preparation, Preparation, Preparation Award.  She never made a big deal of how she was showing up for each ride with her horse engaged and ready to work, but Tik and Sinead had noticed.  They had seen her out early, working with her horse on the line before mounting to ride, watching other rides to learn as much as she could, and going the extra mile to make her horse as comfortable as she could be, so they could settle down to work. Patti said she too was moved to tears to have her hard work recognized and awarded.   

All the other awards are each rider’s story to tell, but we were not the only two moved to tears of joy and humbled by the fact that these great riders and instructors had taken the time to really “see” all of us, and to recognize us for our strengths.  I know it is an overused word, but it was an amazing experience. 

Whew, after that we had one last session on Monday morning before the magic of camp was over.  Razzy had horsemanship, and Tik took her on the line out to the cross country course to school some of the jumps on the line.  Watching her work out the questions on her own, which included a little bit of terrain as well as the small cross country jumps convinced me that skipping schooling anything like that with me up on Sunday had been a good idea, and  that we had work to do at home. 
Razzy looks regal


Working on the rope with terrain and a different perspective.

After everyone was done for the last sessions of the day, we scheduled an extra session for Spider with Tik, and that was fascinating.  He ended up giving us a tentative thumbs up to considering the makeover — with the caveat that it is a worthwhile plan, but only if I am going to dedicate myself to doing the work. 
Patti watches Tik and Spider.

And with that, we packed up and got ready to head home.  And we were both fortunate enough that Tik came back to help us load our sticky loaders (also something to really work on!). 

I came home totally exhausted, but in the best way.  Clinics are fantastic and a way to get to ride with a rider that you don’t see on a weekly basis.  But Winter Camp was magical.  I cannot recommend it enough and I’ve already put my name on the list for next year! 

Thank you to everyone who worked so hard to put this camp on, to my family at home who made it possible for me to attend, to Lisa Madren for the fabulous pro photos, and to our wonderful horses, who are the reason we continue to show up and do the work. 


1 comment:

  1. just dropping in to say this was truly lovely to read -- i found this page from the comment you left on my blog, and enjoyed browsing your posts! i would have said to start writing again, except now i realize you already have been for nation media ;)

    ReplyDelete